I think one of the reasons we have so much drama around the terms masculinity and femininity is because of the old school dictionary definition of those terms, which basically state masculine means traits exclusive to men, feminine means traits exclusive to women.

These are nonsense definitions.

There's no such thing as a trait that only men do, or all men do, and there's no such trait for women either.

And it’s rarely helpful or healthy to ask yourself questions like, “How can I be more of a man?” These kinds of questions generally lead to becoming fake, manipulative, and emotionally suppressed.

I found that it's easier to think about masculinity and femininity as traits anybody can engage in, and particularly as values people can engage in.

A sort of hard and soft or yin and yang balance, and any confident person would have a balance of these values that suits their authentic disposition. Not necessarily a 50/50 split, but certainly a mixture.

If, for example, a masculine value is responsibility, both men and women can and should be responsible, as with a feminine value like compassion.

So rather than thinking about being one or the other, think about the mix that you need to healthy, confident, and authentic.

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