A client of mine had a difficult confrontation that took a lot of bravery. She was very proud of herself.
But then later on she found out the person she confronted basically hadn't listened to her and was not going to change their behavior.
She was incredibly disappointed and upset about this. She got infuriated with the other person all over again, and questioned herself regarding how she’d confronted them.
This is why it's so important to let go of outcomes if you want to have good confrontations.
Not only do you have to let go of them having a good reaction during the confrontation, you must even let of controlling the other person, of changing them and influencing them in any way.
Confrontations are not a tool of manipulation, they are a tool of self-protection and confidence building. Done right, the other person’s reaction and ongoing behaviours are irrelevant.
Instead of being attached to something you can't control, focus on having a backup plan for if they don't cooperate.
How will you enforce this boundary without their cooperation?
How will you continue your life without needing them to participate in any way?
If you go into a confrontation knowing that, then it doesn't matter how they react.
For more on this topic, check out my video “Navigating Difficult Conversations (pt.2): The Principles of Powerful Confrontations”
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