The reason Nice Guys constantly crack jokes or over-explain themselves and overshare, and basically just do too much talking, is because they're so afraid to hold tension.

I’m talking about the kind of awkward inner tension that comes up when you suggest an idea and you wait to see if other people want to go with it; if you show attraction and wait to see if it's reciprocated; if you make a controversial statement and wait to see if it causes a conflict.

Waiting for a reaction is something that nice guys just can't handle because you're letting go of control in that moment.

And yet everything you're looking for in life is going to come on the other side of that tension.

Romance can’t happen without tension. Neither can increased depth of relationships, or new levels of respect, or revelations about who is right for you.

If you can’t hold tension, you prevent the truth about yourself and other people from being revealed. You won’t find out who’s attracted to you, who disagrees with you, and who loves you for who you are.

If you can just say what you have to say, your main point - less than 5 to 10 seconds of talking - and then shut up without explaining it, without trying to anticipate objections, without joking it off, and just let that tension hang, your whole life is going to change.

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