One way to summarize the struggle I see people making in my line of work is that they're fixated on feeling an emotional sensation they find pleasurable.

They want to be less angry, less disappointed, less stressed, less anxious, and more happy, more calm, more loved… that kind of thing.

They want more pleasure and less pain.

They're fixated on a superficial level of emotion which fluctuates up and down rapidly.

I don't yet have a good word for it, but there is a deeper level of feeling/emotion that exists.

Feelings like confidence in yourself for example, or love, or depression.

These are much more stable sensations that continue underneath the fluctuations of those higher level emotions. You can be confident while also feeling anger, anxiety, or confusion. You can continue to love someone even while they annoy you.

And if you were to focus on managing those deeper states instead of trying to feel good at a superficial level all the time, you'll realize that you actually need to have some pain in order to manage them.

You need to endure pain to be more confident.

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