"Nice Guy" syndrome is one of the most common, and most unhelpful behaviours a man can learn. It places you squarely in the friendzone in every area of your life- relationships, career, friendships, even your relationship with yourself.
It's not a fun place to be. We'll show you the way out.
"Nice Guy" syndrome is one of the most common, and most unhelpful behaviours a man can learn. It places you squarely in the friendzone in every area of your life- relationships, career, friendships, even your relationship with yourself.It's not a fun place to be. We'll show you the way out.
Have you ever thought you were a people pleaser and wanted to NOT be one? Or have you simply wanted to be more “you” with other people? If you answered yes to either of those questions then this interview I did with the legendary Jordan Harbinger is perfect for you.
We talked about how to stop people pleasing, why it’s way more attractive to women when you aren’t a pushover, why expectations are a setup for failure and so much more on the 358th edition of The Art of Charm.
Listen to the Art of Charm podcast.
Here are my own painful experiences... see if they relate to you.
In my early childhood I developed a people-pleasing persona. Small events that I misunderstood led me to create a massive fear of rejection and abandonment. I was simply terrified of being disliked.
In my teens years this mutated into consistent approval seeking behaviour. I would pretend to be whatever it was I thought others wanted me to be. I became hypersensitive to the moods and reactions of others, and could always keep people calm, entertained and agreeable.
In my early 20s this started to frustrate the hell outta me! Night after night I lay awake wondering why I couldn’t just be honest and real with people. If someone was angry at me, or disappointed, it would ruin my week. My connections with people were mostly superficial, because the guy they thought they liked didn’t actually exist. He was just a mask I wore to hide my weaknesses and negative emotions.
At the age of 24 I decided that I couldn’t live like this any more. I didn’t know what was wrong, but I knew I didn’t like the way my life was going. It was EXHAUSTING trying to please everyone. I just wanted a rest. Over time I realised that my problem was low self confidence. A lifetime of being fake had ingrained in me the belief that THE REAL ME was not worthy of being known by people. So slowly, in small steps, I started releasing him out into the wild.
“Ultimately what defines a people pleaser is that their self-worth is attached to things external them, to results and things outside of their control.”
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